steeeEpHiEe D: you're published by stephie d inc.

this woman is the shiz.

A new-found love for people.

Life can be so silly. So sweet.
You could hate someone.
You could never want to see them again.
The problem could've been so big [or worn away with time]
Yet all it really takes
is an apology or a simple peace offering
And most times, I've found,
people are willing to settle differences,
and be civil, just like that.

Just something I'd like to share.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
There's a dead-end straight ahead.
Won't you take me home?

I found a good source of love songs.
The singer, you ask? Aqualung.
That's right, you can hear all his stuff at www.aqualung.net/audio.php

Here's one of my personal favorites:

-----------------------------------------------------
7 Keys
It wasn’t open but somehow you let yourself in
Closed off and broken, I never wanted to go through it again
I wasn’t waiting, but you came at just the right time
I never knew I could feel so alive

Darling, believe, you’re closer than anyone has ever been
Oh baby, don’t leave me alone
For the rest of eternity
You hold the seven keys to my soul

Feel so connected, like I’m with you all alone
I never expected to fall into love in so deep, so deep and so strong
Darling, believe, you’re closer than anyone has ever been
Oh baby, don’t leave me alone
I’m yours for eternity
You hold the seven keys to my soul

Closer than anyone, this is where we belong
Closer than anyone, this is where we belong
Closer than anyone, this is where we belong
Closer than anyone, this is where we belong

--------------------------------------------------------

You get all my love.

I want Friday, damnitt, and I want it NOW!

**we'll behave like animals
swing from tree to tree**

We can do AnYthiNG that turns you up and sets you free

Sarah got her car.
Life is back to the way it should be.
AND it feels SO DAMN GOOD.

I <3 the world.
Every single bit of it.

WHAT A PERFECT DAY
-The sun is shining.
-I hardly had any classes.
-I got to leave school early.
-I'm getting better.
-Collins getting a car.
[ yeeeah ma ;) ]

Mmmm. <3
Thiiiis ain't no funky reggae party, $5 at the door. {oh yeeah}

All I need now, is a beer in my hand, a cigarette in the other.
Lounging on a beach somewhere, with friends around a bon-fire.
Songs filling the ocean air. What a wonderful thought.

Only two more days of TAKS testing. {By the way, I am ever-so-fond of the schedule}
Then it shall be FRIDAY...which means TROUBLE!
....and we all love trouble

Please, tell me there's someone out there who won't pick up my heart and play Devil's Advocate.
Who won't piece apart my dreams into bleeding lies.
Who can ask me what I'm feeling and say "That's just fine."

my mom- "You can forgive him, but you will never forget"

FucK ofF...

HUMAN MAJIC MARKER
Anti-histimines. I feel all tweeked out.
dsoihtgsaongksdng

Whatever was meant by it, I took offense to it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dirt underneath my fingernail.

R E d e f i n e...

your head will collapse
cause there's nothing in it
and you'll ask yourself

WHERE IS MY MIND?

I want to stay inside,
I want to stay inside for good.

Sick of being sick. I want to go outside and play and jump and run and frolic.
I want to chase the boys and eat taco bell and drive around in cars.
I…I think today...yes today…I SHALL!

---------------------------------------------------

On another note:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALLY-PIE! TODAY YOU ARE 17 YEARS OLD. MY LITTLE GIRL IS ALL GROWN UP.
I LOVE YOU SUGAR, "You'z my main girl"--AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!
[you don't have to move to groove]

---------------------------------------------------

for good for good for good for good for good
for good for good fuck off for good for good
for good for good for good for good for good.

I <3 Incubus [A Crow Left of the Murder]

I don't want to worry about being in my own skin.
I want me to show the world just exactly who I am.
I don't want to wear make-up.
I don't want to be fake.
I want to be real.
Beautiful, natural.

FfLlUu

At least I think so.

I totally hate you today. First last night, what with seeing the ex-girlfriend for an hour
then today, you're supposed to take care of me and what do you do? NOTHING.

Sometimes I ask myself why I put up with this.

She's not as "gross" as I remembered her to be--which made things a lot worse.
Seeing her, standing near me, my boyfriend, my friends.
What a horrible excuse for a weekend.

you won't go to my prom
but you'll go to someone else's.

you say you're just her "guest"
and well they're paying for your tux.

so, see? it's not the same
you don't know why I'm so mad.

that makes it worse.
that makes it worse.
this makes things worse.

TRUE, LIES

It happened,
It happened too many times.
I thought I could brush it off,
It wouldn't have to be mine.

. So, on staircases everywhere
. ...as well as in my head
. we kissed the sun,
. we licked the sky with our
. whiskey-dripping mouths and she,

she tried to get away,
'cause I guess they get scared,
but we saw it in her body, in the way... .[she moved with us.]

. It's happening,
. It's happening all over again.
. He promised he'd stay away
. "But that Italian cookin', it's just so sweet."
. Yeah, babe. .(it sure is)

We, yeah, we lure her into our beds
with cinnamon sticks .and cigarettes, she says,
SHE SAYS she loves the way...
. but he calls {and calls and calls}
. to check in like his mother
. But I'm a girl,
Just A Girl.

Then I see you standing there wanting more from me...
It's been a long few weeks, and I feel like there's so much weight on my shoulders I can barely breathe! I need some sleep, I need some motivation. I need a beer.
I wish you could see me loving you
Are all the little looks I give all that insignificant that you can't tell anymore?
The rose in my cheeks when you say a word, is it that too trivial?
Well, I am here, and I'm trying and I give and give and give.
Shouldn't that count? Shouldn't that count for SOMETHING?
...and all I can do is try

Old friends.I have all too many of them.

Tonight, talking to my trusted friend, Zachary, the topic of our 'old friends' came up.
I'm not sure when everything changed or when i moved into that "transition" everyone tells me about, but in any case, it did.

I don't know, maybe I'm ridiculous for holding on to past friendships, but the truth is, they were good friendships. And it shouldn't matter how much either of us have changed because that's what it should be about--being able to be friends no matter what.

I guess that doesn't work out, but it feels weird seeing an old friend in the hall and just brushing passed them...

Maybe we could keep in touch?
Pick up where we left off?

[whoamIkidding?]

---------------------------
Another note:
Yes, tomorrow is 4.20 and I hope everyone enjoys their day safely and responsibly.

one day we'll see the clear blue
beyond the grey sky

this song.
makes me think of the concert.
Zachy.
Bone.
screaming, singing.
you felt a part of something.
something worth being here for.

I want to breathe again.
I want to lie in summer grass, feet on the hot street,
with a cigarrette in hand and the boys singing in the back.
Warm days at Pendrey's, just laughing, living it up.
"Remember when the AC went out, oh man, that was hell!"
Yeah, I want to sit with a beer in hand and ride around in the 'Stang,
Collins and I screaming at the top of our lungs "STUPID GIRL!"

I want to run away to Jareds,
with Derek holding the baby ten feet away.
I miss sneaking screwdrivers here and there.
Speeding over speed bumps 'cause we were meant to fly.
I want to hear Led Zepplin in the house
and know that Steven is walking around in boxers singing along.

I want to be drunk at Bone's house.
And trip over the stairs and Ivan and..
Have a Cory take care of me and fall in love all over again.
I want to try all new things with wide, open eyes
with him and new-found friends 'cause "that's what it's all about."

I want to stay here forever and build a life other than my parents.
I want to go to school and become a writer, a novelist!
Lately, I've wanted to go to film school too, become a DIRECTOR!
I want to impress the world, show everyone how much they mean to me and,
make all those that love be loved in return
because that is what I've gained, and more I hope to learn.

Now another summer is approaching fast.
It will be [mostly] filled with new faces, new adventures.
New cars, new styles, new places.

And hey, I'll be driving by then.
A shiny-new licence, a shiny-not-so-new car.

As great as this sounds, can't you ever have the past?
Just for one day, can't it ever be as great as you remembered?

I don't know anymore.
I love you guys.

Just got back from Okla.
It's weird, like two different worlds going back and forth.
They will never merge. They will never connect in any way.
..still trying to decide as to whether that's a good or bad thing.

Today--boring at first.
I'd like to take this opportunity to point out an annoyance:

You hit on me.
You make fun of me.
You tell my boyfriend you liked me.
You hit on all my friends [which disgusts them.]
--THE LIST GOES ON AND ON--

That had been bugging me all day, so I'm glad it's out of my system.

Then the fun began:
Thank you, baby. T'was amazing.

Good evening.

One little mention of her name and I turn into a 24-hour heap of jealousy and anger.
What is wrong with me?

Dripping wet and clearly depressed, he'd headed straight for the stairs...
[she hits the lights, this doesn't seem quite fair]

What it really feels like...
I could give you some of me, so you wouldn't feel so alone.
I would run through the stars at all hours of the night
screaming something wild, if that would make you smile.
I'll carry on my back, all the pain on your shoulders,
and I..
and I'll never look away, so you know your the only one
We can lay on some beach in nothing but eachother,
cause how beautiful would that be?

If we're all looking for something beautiful, this is it.
It's these moments between the instant we smile and the moment we breathe.
And for once it's like I finally see...

I just finished Gatsby; marvelous. I've officially added it to my list of most favorite books.
Today, I feel like I am on my own. Setting out for the grand adventure that is tonight.
I haven't partaken in such festivities for quite some time now and I am eager to do so.
Every minute, every second will be a breath of wild, extravagant air.

I hope for two months to pass slower than these turning skies. A change is in my own midst, and I'm afraid, unlike many things, this fate cannot be altered. It can only be lived, and learned, and I can only gain from this experience. I can only become wiser and worldly through my moves and travels.
I will miss this place, this heat, this feel; the smooth drives along that favorite path with a hand out the passenger window wav[e]ing to passers-by; the taste of a lovers lips, quiet and soft like whipped cream (WITH the cherry); the faces of friends, laughing, waiting for something beautiful--when they don't recognize the beauty in everything they create. But mostly I will miss the love; the love I have put into this place and the love I have recieved in return.
I hope to keep this cycle up for years--upon years upon years-- to come.

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

I've been grounded for a month.
---updates coming soon---