Tell me your secrets
Ask me your questions
You don't know how lovely you are...


::sigh:: Love. Love is a many, splendid thing. Waiting, it seems as if we're always waiting for Love to come to our door in the pouring rain and kiss us on the lips and explain where it's been all our lives. But that's not how it is, society has created this ideality of what we are supposed to feel, how Love is supposed to be. This is the very thing that is so confusing about Love. It comes in many ways, many forms. It's not like the movies or storytales. Love continues to change for everyone that endures it. Sometimes it's cold. Sometimes you're left alone without them. It is never all smiles all the time, and what makes it that much more splendid, the ones that can make it, the ones that can live through the bad and learn to focus on the laughter, well, I believe that that is the most beautiful accomplishment in the world. Maybe all we need is not love. Maybe two people cannot live off of eachother's air, and if there is no ideal lifestyle in place, there can be no successful Love. But this is not my way of thinking. I'd like to believe that two in love can live somewhere far, far away. Living only for their other's smile, only for their voice, only to make their other's life worth.

Mmm, picture it. We're under the sun, on a towel on the beach somewhere in Cali. The water's beautiful, just look how everyone's smiling. I look over and so are you, and I wouldn't rather be anywhere else in the world.

That's how it feels everytime. That's how I always want it to feel.
Sincerely,
the Hopeless Romantic.

Where is the kid with the chemicals? I've got a hunger that I can't seem to get full
I need some meaning I can memorize

And the phone's ringing and the band's leaving
Let's just keep touching, let's just keep, keep singing.
But you, but you write such pretty words
But life's no storybook
Love's an excuse to get hurt
And to hurt, do you like to hurt?
I do, I do, then hurt me.

Hm. Around 12 days left. As much as I hate to say this
[it's exactly what they want me to say]
Don't skip school, it isn't worth it.

Oh, and apparently, I am a little girl because I don't like authority. I like to make my own decisions and I don't believe in anyone looking down on me, telling me what I should and shouldn't do. I have common sense, I have human decency, I know what's right and wrong and it should be my prerogative to decide whether I wish to 'conform' or not. See, these are the thoughts that get me in trouble. 'Cause when I'm in a bad mood, it's me against the world and I could give a fuck about any other person that came along. So how do you change your beliefs if you still believe them? ALL I know is that I cannot be grounded anymore. Not only is it affecting my home life and my friendships..it's affecting my relationship and that just won't fly.

All your love, all your love is gone, so sing a lonely song..

I drove my two favorite [drunken] boys home this evening. 'Twas a jolly good time, I love them so very very much. Hopefully tomorrow will be as great as today.

"It's a perfect kind of love"

Dear Cuteboy Cory, (via Brand New)
I'm sinking like a stone in the sea.
I'm burning like a bridge for your body.

Dear Zachy-poop,
No dirty girls!!!!!

Love, Bree.

bitches will be bitches
hooooes will be hooooes
like you.

[thank you, that is all :)]

She was a sour girl the day that I met her..

Tears on my cheek 'cause I think I love you too much
And she tries to explain to me how it happened
Stabbing, slit all my veins open, I'm right here bleeding infront of e v e r y o n e
Don't you think this is fun?

Did you say this to her? Did you touch her like this?

I swear to God this is eating me alive.
I try not to dwell on what they say
but it's EVERY DAY.

[I love you..]

THE MARS VOLTA!

Is it unhealthy to sit in the same place for over 4 hours straight?
Like a computer?
Or for that matter, a home?
No, no I don't think so, sounds to me like a waste of a perfectly good Saturday.
Yes, yes indeed.

Waiting for that boy to come over, seems like I'm constantly waiting for something or another. Blah blah blah wait wait wait. You'd think with the amount of waiting I endure that I'd acquire some sort of patience, ah, but this is not the case! No patience what-so-ever. And we are out of Coke so I am forced upon Sprite. Boo Sprite. I think if Sarah was here she'd throw a fit.

In any case, this was my day, slow, boring, yada. Tomorrow will be filled with church, ciggarettes, [i like those words next to eachother, muaha] the boys, and fun fun fun!

Sing me something pretty
I'll watch your lips part in the dark
I want a sunset serenade
come steal my heart..

I can't imagine all the people that you know
and the places that you go when the lights are turned down low..

Two little names on a wall and I fall to pieces. I hate to be rational, but it was just a reality-check. I mean, right there in front of everyone, everyone fucking saw me when I saw it, and I could feel him holding his breath wishing I didn't, but I did. And I wonder if it will ever go away? Will this be in my head forever? Always looking over my shoulder, always feeling 2nd best...

It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it..

Mmmm. Taken.

YOUR AURA IS PURPLE!

With you one look, just one look and everything is s ha TT ered..

Mmm. I realize I don't explain things much. That's not a very good habit to be forming, now is it? Parents can be ruthless, completely unbarable for no apparent reason whatsoever other than to aggrivate you. Spending about 5 hours on worthless cleaning is not the way to go, I wouldn't recommend it at all, at all.

Aaand then there's something I've been meaning to write. Lately I've been slightly..okay a little more than slight..insecure about a few things. This feeling is completely rubbish and I do not condone it! But in any case, it is still there and I would ask of you not to frown upon it as much due to the circumstances. *Speaking of those circumstances, it's just difficult, okay? Being with you..which is spectacular..and knowing that you have done some of the same things with her, said some of the same things.. it's just literally heartbreaking, maybe it'll feel that way forever..it's just not a comfortable situation and I do not want to think about it. So in the mean time I shall force it out of my head as best as possible and try and avoid conversation about such things.

That is all for now.

--She kissed as if she, alone, could forge the signature of the sun--
And I love you..

"I'm gonna make your toes curl"

Amazingly fantabulous. And that's THAT!
I love yoooou

We live in a beautiful world...

I guess I'm going to be the jealous one, standing aside...
Just so scared this isn't going to work..

There's talk that in the future, every U.S. resident will have a National ID Card with an individual National ID Number, which will have all your personal information stored on it.

A way to crack down on terrorism or an excuse to put Big Brother in office? You decide.

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?"
Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."
Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"
Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-4554610."
Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan, 1742 Meadowland Drive, phone number 494-2366. Your office number over at Midtown Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566 . That's you?"
Customer: "Where d'ya get all this information?"
Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."
Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas."
Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your Private Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."
Customer: "Damn. What do you recommend, then?"
Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."
Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."
Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."
Operator: "That 's quite a bit for a family of six, sir, especially with
your daughter's thyroid problem; but your total is $49.99."
Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit."
Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."
Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn."
Customer: " Look, I'll borrow the money. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?"
Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little
awkward."
Customer: "How the hell do you know I'm riding a bike?"
Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'd. But your Harley's still paid up.
Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!"
Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop."
Customer: (Speechless)
Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".
Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free pop to diabetics."

The crowd gasps as they round the corner...
bad actors with bad habits. some sad singers, they just play tragic
and the phone's ringing. and the band's leaving
let's just keep touching. let's just keep, keep singing.
I NEED SOME MEANING I CAN MEMORIZE

The sun is out today. Without the breeze, you'd think it Summer. I feel accomplished, we saved some lives [with our little petty charm]. And lately I've been in love with the day, so I can be with you and stay awake..But when I dream you seem to fade.

Funny how tables turn, can we ever learn to not be afraid?
A promise not to lie, not to hurt... sincere as ever.

I have to close my eyes, this isn't real
Can you believe how good it feels?

L A G L O I R E S E F A N E ?

And the race begins..

I was just guessing on numbers and fingers
pulling the puzzle apart
questions of science, science and progress
would not speak as loud as my heart
come tell me you love me
come back and haunt me
oh, what a rush to the start..

Maybe we have changed. Maybe nothing is ever the same. Maybe this will never work and we'll prove them all right. But I know how I feel, I know how I feel with you, and I know that hasn't changed. And even though we may be two different people now, and might have forgotten all the things we once knew, maybe there is such a thing as 'meant to be'. Maybe there is such a thing as You and Me..

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
*Where to begin?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
*Breaking me in?
Missing my skin?

I couldn't move all day,
You are killing me aren't you?
The knife is inching towards my back
Yet I smile and close my eyes
And continue breathing you in, precious poison.

See, this thing will leave me face down.
Like a sick puppy following you around.
If I've never played the fool, I don't know what this is.
Why should I fall for one stolen kiss?

I need to not dwell
*swimming a month in hell*
and I'm terrified of reoccurring infidelities.
Why are you even here with me?
[if that's what we call it]

Well I love you so I'm playing the charade.
I'm getting what I wished for [right?] So why complain?

::deep breath::

Ohh. I forgot how it felt to smile like this..

A beautiful world , indeed . . .
[ You don ' t recover from a night like this . ]

What are you DOING? I swear I won't get my hopes up but if YOU bring them up and push them down again I will pull away forever. I hope you know how vulnerable you're setting me up to be. And I don't like it at all, I hate being the terrified girl. It's not me. This has happened once [which is one too many] and I hope to God it does not happen again [I don't know if I could bring myself up again..]

Love and Hate end the same, remember that.

(DIE YOUNG AND SAVE YOURSELF)

*This is the end my beautiful friend
my only friend, the end.


Roaring,
rumbling,
the accidental extinguish
turned out inneffective,
or so they say..

SHE'S BREATHING QUIET AND SMOOTH <> HE IS GASPING FOR AIR
[this used to be the reason I breathe but now it's choking me up]

A bit on the confused side. You're neither here nor there. I don't know how to take the things you say. I don't know how you mean them at all. I have an idea but that would be foolish to think. Right? Blaah turning into a babbling little girl. Waiting, wondering, hoping for the impossible past.

<3 DIE YOUNG AND SAVE YOURSELF

She fakes a smile and presses her hips into his..
I seriously need to get away for a while. Just need to dissapear.
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M HELPING YOU. [this.is.so.messed.up]

A lot of things on my mind, racing through this troubled head
Face down in the water, just call me Dead.

D I E Y O U N G A N D S A V E Y O U R S E L F

Door to door salesman, trade him your soul for a moment of your time..

Long day. A lazy one, at that. Worrying about everyone, not enough time to fix it all..

As I'm talking my words slip to the floor and they crawl through your legs, slide under the back door.
Rendering me freakish and dead, yeah.
Well here I am, don't know how to say this.
Only thing i know is awkward silence.
Your eyelids close, when you're around me to shut me out
[and I hope, your majesty, that you like your position. Do everything I can to keep you by my side. And I'll stare off to the darkness, to find us a kingdom, just kiss me before I go]

Sad to have missed Round 2.
Dad and I had a heart to heart in the early morning hours driving home. Turns out the good-grade idea is back into play. As and Bs on the next Report Card = coming home to Round Rock.

Dark low-lights and cutting my hair today. So exited, so exited.

(all my love, all my love is still around. oh, my love, i won't make a sound..)

Breeeathe, breathe in the aaaair..

Interesting evening. All familiar faces, some worth looking a little more into. Couples kissing on the balcony. Drunken girls are all in love. Ciggarette smoke along with winter breath, the house is smogged with another. A few cans lying around, mostly bottles clinking. Walk up, two doors are locked, the host is down the stairs. Who cares about the time, just one more drag. Coming and going and back again, the English accents are all the rage. Looking for you, I guess you decided not to come. Was the last time we were here together the night that started the summer? You probably don't want to be reminded, I understand. Now this other one, the one she left behind, I do say, lingers in my mind...

*

You're not the same boy when you're out of love. I don't know if it's purposely or not, but I'm guessing the latter of the two. This is the end, [isn't it..] my beautiful friend. The beginning of the end of something once beautiful.

*I bid the boy I love adue. You are not him, and he is not you. All our little kisses and faint whispers..replaced by giggling and making noises, you are stoned and faded. ::sigh:: I will miss you so much.*

raaaaaaar

But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscious seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

I'll tell you this, no eternal reward will forgive us...
Back in those days everything was simpler and more confused

6/8/03
The anniversary of something lost. Would've been 7 months. Does everything have to be so t r a g i c?

[No, no it doesn't. I have to walk away, don't I?...]
If heaven is on the way, we'll wrap a world around it
I'm a stranger in this town...

Tango 'til they're sore Tom Waits [brilliant man, enjoy!]

Well you play that tarantella, all the hounds will start to roar
The boys all go to hell and then the Cubans hit the floor
They drive along the pipeline, they tango 'til they're sore
They take apart their nightmares and they leave them by the door
Let me fall out of the window with confetti in my hair
Deal out Jacks or Better on a blanket by the stairs
I'll tell you all my secrets, but I lie about my past
And send me off to bed for evermore

Make sure they play my theme song, I guess daisies will have to do
Just get me to New Orleans and paint shadows on the pews
Turn the spit on that pig and kick the drum and let me down
Put my clarinet beneath your bed 'til I get back in town
Let me fall out of the window with confetti in my hair
Deal out Jacks or Better on a blanket by the stairs
I'll tell you all my secrets, but I lie about my past
And send me off to bed for evermore

Just make sure she's all in calico and the color of a doll
Wave the flag on Cadillac day, and a skillet on the wall
Cut me a switch or hold your breath 'til the sun goes down
Write my name on the hood, send me off to another town

Let me fall out of the window with confetti in my hair
Deal out Jacks or Better on a blanket by the stairs
I'll tell you all my secrets, but I lie about my past
So send me off to bed, for evermore...

[The interpretation of this song in class led to a heated discussion and was most enjoyable. I say you really look at this song, and try to tell what it really means..Go on..]

Try to run..try to hide.. BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIIDE...

'Ello my dear, my sweetest friend. Let's go to MeXiCo and live AgAiN.
A house by the beach and the dirty, dirty water.
We won't care about that, look how cute the kids are.
Your dead-beat job, but you'll make it to the top soon.
And I have writers block, little poems on napkins everywhere.
And you'll say I'm beautiful, and I'll think you're witty.
And for vacation we'll run to the big city.
And we'll own so much land, and have so much money.
Wouldn't that be perfect, honey?

With not a care in the world, it's summer everyday. And no stupid bills to pay.
An unconditional, thorough kind of love, this shit won't fade
and neither of us would have it any other way.
Walk outside, the sky is sunny
Wouldn't that be perfect, honey?

The sunset through the window, aray of colors in the clouds.
Laying in the sand, laughing outloud.

Wouldn't that be perfect?
That would be so perfect, honey.

I can't fucking pretend. I can't do this I can't be this fake. Why have a facade when everyone sees through it? I love him, and as stupid as this sounds I still haven't let go of the thought..

Watching the lights go down, letting the cables sleep...

Now listen to this, I'll tell you about Texas radio and the big beat..
Out here in the perimeter there are no stars. Out here we is stoned..immaculate..

Room filled with music and nothing more.
I hate to rhyme, but I really am lying on the floor.
I wish you were here, me and Pink Floyd.
Not to mention Brandon Boyd. {whoa}

Do you see how idiotic I'm becoming?
All babbling about this and that and nothing?
Listening to all our favorite songs
And living(/dying?) with being wrong.

And now my privacy has been raided
Forced to sypathize like they did.

Why do I look for anything in this austerity..

[It is difficult to look at the one you love that has and will never love you back, but it is even harder when they did love you, but will never again..]

I..don't ask why I...just fall into the meadow..
This thing over me, it sure does smell of you.
Ciggarettes and your skin, the sweetest scent.

I hope this is a phase.
I hope.

Pardon me while I burst...
Not what I expected. Not sure to how to...take this. You, I love you. You're..you're so adorable. Go to pick her up, awkward silence. Get back and you cuddle up, leave me stranded alone. I wish this wasn't so strange.

I hear things, things I know are true. Why does "i love you" mean nothing to you!

Fresh.

Now the tree is naked and bare.
Like my heart and your stare.
It's easy for me to remember
the days in bed, playing with your hair.
Coldplay in the air.
The sound of heartbeats spelling out our names
and perhaps this is so tragic 'cause I never had as good as you
and now I know how bad it can be
My god, this is killing me.

And whilst the poets make their money
on heartache and things like these
I will write about you and me
and how Perfect can seem
hidden with stupidity.

But I'll tell them, I'll say,
"There's always a day
where you're forced to grow up
where you're forced to move on
to walk away."
"Cause hindsight's a bitch." That'll be my catch phrase.
And there's no going back, it all goes astray

Heavenly prices to pay...

['tis a week or so old, and i just found it, enjoy:]

I'm flying on empty and everything's a blur.
At least now when I think of you
I won't have to see her.

With these over my eyes,
no one can see my pain.
I'll tuck my feelings away

'Cause being o p e n with you
did me no good at all.
So I'll fully induce, you can watch my fall.

And life's a bore
when you're being a whore.
And nobody calls when you aren't around.
And my world seems to have turned off it's sound.

(attack on the senses!)
Looking at you now, not a one of us smiling.

Shrug off the other boys 'cause they don't compare.
Believe in that one boy even though he's not there.

Dug up a very old CD. One I made for a romance growing older by the day. Oi, I listened to this thing every night before I went to bed. And I remember telling myself, "This is..this is beautiful. A love like this can't be real..I don't ever want to lose this..ever." Aye, that was a mere 4 or 5 months ago, seems so far away. Even now as I think I'm growing up, and learning the ways of the world, I find myself more naive than ever. Knowing not of these things I feel or how to cope, how to go back. The little girl in me still wants to believe we can go back. But..but we can't. No, no this is how things are. To sleep to the sound of nothing, and to wake with memory of the emptiness of my dreams. In all of this void I can see happiness. I can even outstretch my fingers and practically feel it. But it is not in me, it is in the eyes of all my friends, and those of whom I love [who I couldn't make as happy.] Please let me believe that half a year of my life was not a charade, something worth throwing away.

Stupid. Stupid dwelling little girl. Stupid me. Stupid heart. Stupid memory. Stupid pills.

Call out the instigatoooor because there's somethiiing in the aaaaair



Tom Petty and the Heartbreakerssss

^ A Certain Collins' Birthday ^
My little girl is all grown up!

~on a different note~ "I didn't call 'cause I know you just hate when I'm on something and I call." Or maybe you thought it more important to worry about her rather than dying ex girlfriend? Yes.

Meaningless and pitiful(l), tables turning everywhere.
Stupid girl, stupid pill, boy who left her lying there.

Flutters and an Empty brain..

One hundred and ten dollars. That was the most hectic night EvER and I hate it so.

You left me there to shake and cry and die, you lied to us so you could go have a little fun with the girlfriend. And you wouldn't even let us meet her.

Low. Blow.